Language Gaps in Benevolence and Malevolence
A vocabulary map of envy, jealousy, resentment, begrudging, well-wishing, and spite across English and Dutch.
Expressing feelings effectively requires language. Languages can be lacking or ambiguous in the feelings they are able to describe. This can hinder communication of feelings, to other people or to oneself. I have noticed that in the direction of jealousy and envy (Dutch: jaloers) there is a lot of ambiguity. That is why I tried to distinguish it into two axes and see whether English is complete, and how it compares to Dutch as well.
The map below separates the states with two questions: do I want it myself? and what do I wish the other?
| What I wish the other | Want it myself yes | Want it myself no |
|---|---|---|
| They keep it wish them + | benign envy NL benijden technical term | well-wishing NL gunnen |
| Indifferent either way wish them = | desire NL verlangen no longer social | - empty by design |
| They lose it wish them - | envy NL jaloers op | begrudge NL misgunnen |
| It brings them down wish them -- | malicious envy NL afgunst technical term | spite NL rancune |
One can desire something that someone else has, but there is a big difference between liking that the other has it too, being indifferent whether they have it or not, especially wishing them not to have it, or even wishing them harm.
Conversely, if it is mainly about the other not having something, it changes both the intent and the language. Using ambiguous words for this might confuse yourself or the person you are trying to explain it to.
English and Dutch differences
- For Dutch speakers the words jaloers and jealous sound the same but have slightly different meanings. Jaloers covers the whole left column, both the “you have it, I want it too” and the “it is mine and I fear losing it” cases. English splits those into envy and jealousy; Dutch keeps them together.
- The other direction has gaps too. English has no everyday word for wanting something yourself while still being glad the other has it. Psychology calls it benign envy, but Dutch just says benijden. And for simply wishing someone well, gunnen, the closest English gets is well-wishing.
- Afgunst is that you do not want the other to have it (and often secretly want them to lose it), while misgunnen is that you specifically do not grant it to them. You can misgunnen someone something you do not even want yourself.
Examples
Left column, I want it too:
- benign envy / benijden: “My friend got promoted. I am happy for her, and it makes me want to push for one too.”
- envy / jaloers: “My friend got promoted. I wanted that spot.”
- malicious envy / afgunst: “My friend got promoted. I hope she falls flat on her face.”
Right column, I do not want it myself:
- well-wishing / gunnen: “My friend got promoted. I would not want the job, but she has earned it.”
- begrudge / misgunnen: “My friend got promoted. I do not want the job, but somehow it still bothers me that she got it.”
- spite / rancune: “My friend got promoted, so I ‘forgot’ to congratulate her.”
The two flags:
- jealousy (MINE): “My partner keeps texting a coworker. I am afraid of losing them.”
- resentment (UNFAIR): “I trained him, and he got the promotion. It still stings a year later.”
References
- Lange, J., Paulhus, D. L., & Crusius, J. (2018). Elucidating the Dark Side of Envy: Distinctive Links of Benign and Malicious Envy With Dark Personalities. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 44(4), 601-614.